Marvel Previews Review for April 2011 Part 2 of 3

Continuing the rantings…

AVENGERS: THE CHILDREN'S CRUSADE #5 (of 9)
Written by Allan Heinberg
Pencils & Cover by Jim Cheung
The Scarlet Witch War Is On! Latveria becomes a battle-ground as Magneto battles Doctor Doom -- and the Young Avengers take on the Avengers -- to determine the ultimate fate of the Scarlet Witch. But the mysterious reappearance of the time-traveling Iron Lad unleashes Wanda’s reality-altering powers upon the timestream itself, changing the game, and the Marvel Universe, forever. 32 PGS./ $3.99
Greg : Ok, this book is alright, but I just wanted to point out that cover. Hochi Mochi that Jim Cheung can draw.
Lee: Cheung is an excellent artist and this is one of the few covers that I really liked this month. It appears to have something to do with the story and it's well designed. It's surprising that Marvel actually published it.

INCREDIBLE HULK #626 & #627
Written by Greg Pak Pencils by Tom Grummett
Cover by Jock (#626) &Doug Braithwaite (#627)
Mr. & Mrs. Hulk, Part 1 & 2. See the Hulk as you’ve never seen him before: as an international super-spy! With Amadeus Cho as his guide, Hulk dons a tuxedo and enters into a world of espionage, only to find his opponent is…Red She-Hulk? And what happens when Betty finds a new man? Hint: it doesn't really go over that well…especially when that man is one of the Hulk's oldest foes! 32 PGS./ $2.99
Lee. I’m sorry but the Red She-Hulk is wearing FAR too many clothes for me to take her seriously. Maybe if she wore a thong and string bikini top I could respect for the powerful threat to the Marvel U that she is. Sorry no t*ts, no fear.
Greg: “Sorry, no t*ts, no fear.” We’re continuing our proud tradition of elevating the level of internet discourse every week folks.

ANNIHILATORS #2 (OF 4)
Written by Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning
Penciled by Tan Eng Huat & Timothy Green II
Cover by Alex GarnerVariant Cover by Guy Davis
They’re back: The Spaceknights and the Dire Wraiths! As the Wraith’s deadly Black Sun ascends and their foul magicks return, the home world of the SpaceKnights looks as if it will be the first planet to fall to their might! Only the awesome Annihilators, the newest and most powerful Marvel team of all, stand between the Wraiths and total galactic conquest! Meanwhile, Rocket Raccoon races to Planet X to rescue his old buddy Groot. But what is the secret from Rocket’s past that is coming back to haunt him? All this, plus a variant cover by B.P.R.D.’s Guy Davis!48 PGS./ $4.99
Lee. Got no clue what the book is about. Don’t care either but it has Rocket Raccoon and Groot on the cover so it must be great. Sadly, I really believe that statement.
Greg: Dire Wraiths, Spaceknights, Rocket Racoon, and Groot? Did the internet write a comic book by consensus or something?

DEADPOOL #35
Written by Daniel Way
Penciled by Carlo Barberi Cover by Dave Johnson
“Space Oddity,” Conclusion Okay, so Round One of Deadpool’s epic battle with the bizarre intergalactic entity known as Id the Selfish Moon didn’t exactly go as planned but then again, with Deadpool involved does anything ever go as planned? With his reputation on the line, it’s now time for Deadpool to put up or shut up. Guess which one he’s not gonna do?32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99
Lee: Not one to let anything go… I am picking this book solely because Greg said he loved Daniel Way last month. He won’t read the Venom tpb but he is willing to read this. Care to explain yourself Mr. Phiniky reader?
Greg: Uhhhh… how about I don’t read this. Cause it’s written by Daniel Way.

X-MEN #10
Written by Victor Gischler
Penciled by Chris Bachalo
Cover by Terry Dodson
“To Serve And Protect,” ConclusionThe X-Men and Spider-Man have made their way through the New York City sewers only to be overwhelmed by a legion of bloodthirsty reptilian monsters. Now they've been captured and turned into mindless creatures themselves with only Spider-Man and Emma Frost left unscathed. Can this unlikely pair work together long enough to restore the X-Men and defeat their mysterious opponent? Or will they too join the ranks of the Lizard X-Men?32 PGS./ $3.99
Lee: It's time for some in depth cover analysis! Let’s review some basic facts: (1) Wolverine is short and extremely hairy, (2) Wolverine likes to exercise, mainly in form of fighting bad guys, which I am pretty sure works up a sweat, and (3) Wolverine is on three team and in two titles of his own. All of this means he has little to no time for basic hygiene. That is to say, if he was ever interested in girly things like soap, toothpaste, and water to begin with. Then I see this cover and I know, deep down, Wolverine is thinking “Oh yeah, I am soooo gonna make you SMELL MY SWEATY PIT YOU bastaed”
Greg: I’d ask for that flow chart again, but this time I don’t really want to know how you arrived at that process.

UNCANNY X-MEN #534.1
Written by Kieron Gillen
Pencils & Cover by Carlos Pacheco
Special Point One issue.Magneto is an X-Man. This may not be news to you, but only a handful in the Marvel Universe know that the poster boy for Fearing Mutants is now living just off the coast of one of the United State's largest cities. How on Earth are the X-Men going to explain the presence of one of the world's most infamous super villains? This Point One issue provides the answer, and is a perfect jumping on point to the flagship X-Men book. And to make it even MORE special, superstar-artist Carlos Pacheco (Ultimate Avengers, Ultimate Thor) gets in on the fun! 32 PGS./ $2.99
Lee. I couldn’t respect Red She Hulk because she dressed like my Grandma, but I can totally respect Pacheco’s version of the white queen. Yeah baby, that’s fear you see in my eyes.
Greg: I have high hopes for Gillen’s run. I hope he can realize his potential on this book, but we’ve had 2 amazing writers preceding him on this book (Brubaker and Fraction) and it was never as good as it should have been under either of them. Hopefully, Gillen can brake the trend.
Is there no end to the pointless stupidity and complaining? Not today! The conclusions tomorrow.