Saturday, October 03, 2009

The Titanic and the Iceberg

As everyone knows, summer is over! The season is changing, the days and nights are getting colder, and Fall is here. While watching the leaves change is nice, it’s far more interesting seeing how the temperature change impacts my bedroom.

Within every married couple, I believe there is always one “heater.” A Heater is the person who keeps the other person warm during the cold season. In our house, I am “the heater.” In the winter, Wife, who’s toes turn to ice in temperatures below 60, snuggles me all night long. Actually, it’s more of an Eskimo death clutch as she sucks heat out of my body. She has been known to chase me around the bed in her sleep trying to keep warm.

So, this week the chill finally managed to creep into the house. My wife was snuggling me and my internal thermostat was working overtime. Which means I was sweating to death while Wife was marginally warm. In an attempt to cool myself off, I stuck one foot out of the covers.

Wife, What are you doing?
Lee, You’re making me sweat. I need to cool off.

Wife, I’m making you sweat? Are you kidding? Even if that ridiculous comment were true, why did you stick your foot out of the covers?
Lee, It is true. This is how it works. You snuggle me, and my body cranks up my internal heater in an attempt to compensate for the iceberg that I just collided with. It’s kinda like I’m the Titanic, all toasty and warm, and you’re the iceberg that’s gonna sink me! Just like in the movies. Iceberg! Iceberg dead ahead! Anyway, now I’m sweating because I’m so hot. I stick a foot out of the covers to act as a steam vent to balance my system. It’s all basic thermodynamics.

Wife, That has got to be the dumbest thing you’ve said in a long time. But, at least it’s not the dumbest thing you’ve ever said
Lee, Yeah! I’ve said far dumber.

A sane man would have let such a comment go, but not me! Hey! Wait a minute. What do you mean by that? What’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever said?

Wife, The dumbest thing you’ve ever said was “Aren’t those your fat pants?”

Just for reference, EIGHT YEARS, I said it eight years ago. I have yet to get out of the dog house for that comment.


  1. And you never will Lee, you never will...

  2. I have same heat situation. My wife has the icy feet and sleeps at this angle where her head's over on her side of the bed but her feet are all in my legs. Plus, the rest of her just about radiates heat, so I'm really sweating in the middle of the night. It's hard to believe a 5'2" woman can take up so much of a queen size bed.

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