I’ve been a parent for awhile now yet I am continually surprised by the things that come out of mouth. Don’t get me wrong, deep down I knew it was inevitable that I would say the same things that my mother said to me but it doesn’t make it any less surprising when it occurs. Even more surprising than the ‘don’t make me come up there’’s are the things that I NEVER thought I would have to say. What kind of things might I be forced to say ? Well, I had the chance to say some new things just the other night.
The kids were getting ready for bed and I was talking to Boy while he dried off after his shower. It’s ordinary chit chat about Pokemon, how good the Red Sox are, how good the Bruins are, how good Judge Dredd comics are, you know, the usual stuff. It's at this point that I see the most interesting thing. Going in and out of his nose is a booger. Yep, it's like a whack-a-mole in one nostril. Wheeeze out, and there, like a flag in a strong breeze, is a booger. Breath in, no booger. Breath out. Booger.
I do the only thing a parent can do, I squeal Ahhhh Hey Suess (literally so I don't use the Lord's name in vain) what is that?
What's What Dad? Boy asks.
Whadda ya mean what’s what ? Ya got a booger flying in an out of yer nose. It's disgusting.
And then it dawned on him. He realized that he had finally disgusted his father. His eyes get wide like saucers, a malicious glint entered his eye, and sudden he's breathing in and out as fast as he can. Booger, nothing, booger, nothing, booger. It was nasty.
So, again acting like the parent that I am, still squealing like a little girl, Ew, stop it. Now you're just trying to be disgusting. For the record, that is a phrase from my childhood.
In a voice that was somewhere between defeated because he had to stop his fun, and glee because he had grossed me out so much, he says Fine, I'll stop but I want to see it.
Let me answer the obvious question, no I don’t know why he wanted to look at it. Anyway, he leans into the bathroom mirror to see the booger going in and out. But, after all the blowing whatever molecular bonds attaching the booger to his nose have weakened. So when he gives and extra strong blow, it LAUNCHES out of his nose and onto his upper lip.
I am ready to vomit. And maintaining my sterling parently voice, squeal, Aaahhhh it's on your face now. Ick.
I changed diapers that disgusted me less than this. Maybe it’s because he’s older and I expect him to know better, but I never thought I would say the following :
1) Stop, don't clean your face with your finger
2) No, don't use the towel either
3) How about a kleenex?? Don't you think a kleenix is a better idea.
4) Yes you can show your Mom before getting the kleenex.
Other than the first one, I never thought I would say any of those things.
Ok, maybe I've just been waiting for the right time to say the last one....