The Legion of Super Pets
(Proty 2 not appearing in this episode)
The Legion of Substitute Heroes!
Now, one thing I love is the old introductions to comic books. It's something I miss every time I open up a modern comic story. Seriously, no matter how silly the old intros were they were certainly eye-catching. Splash pages are a sadly lost art form. I believe Frank Miller attempting to recapture the idea back in his Daredevil days, but as a whole it's just not the same. Take, for example, the intro to our story today:
If that doesn't make you want to know what happens I don't know what will. I mean the fact that Supergirl is ordering the super pets to "knock 'em for a loop" is intriguing enough. Perhaps the Subs are so far beneath her notice that she feels the need to humiliate them by sending a flying monkey, cat, dog and horse - all wearing capes nonetheless - to beat the poor kids senseless. Then let's take in the rest of the picture. We have an astonished Night Girl, a cowering Polar Boy (this is already bad if the team leaders are stunned) and C-kids 1 and 2 are standing on the sides watching in awe as Stone Boy uses his power only to be knocked over by Krypto and Fire Lad makes to run in fear from Streaky's claws of steel! Now that's what I call a eye-catching scenario! As a side note I'm still fascinated by the fact that Krypto has a secret identity. I mean, how brilliant is that? Also, if anyone ever sees a Streaky the Supercat stuffed animal for sale, please let me know!
Now as the intro clearly establishes S-girl and boy have had their memories of the future erased and have been replaced by some masked characters (Sir Prize and Miss Terious) due to a kryptonite cloud surrounding 30th century Earth. So we know that Supergirl doesn't recognize the Subs as allies from the future. But what could possibly cause her to sic the pet squad on the poor bastards? Lets take a closer look and perhaps we'll discover why S-girl felt so provoked by our hapless heroes...
Well so far everything looks okay... except Cosmic Boy obviously forgot to mention that whole mind erasing thing... (Saturn Girl: Cos, why didn't you tell the Subs about Kara's memories of the Legion being erased? Cosmic Boy: *smacks himself on the forehead* Damn, I knew I forgot something! Oh well, what's the worse that can happen?)
Wow! Where did that come from? I'm also wondering how S-girl calls Comet and gets all of the super pets... I mean, do they bunk together? Meet up for kibbles and hay in their spare time? Ah well, honestly I'd probably keep all my super pets in the same place if I could only contact one of them with telepathy. Of course I have to wonder of S-boy can telepathically summon his super pets. Is this a lost super power of the Kryptonians? The world my never know!
Now lets review, we've got some nighttime super strength on our side, a guy who can grow plants, ice powers, fire-sneezes, statue, I mean stone, boy, and a kid who can change things colors. What can they possibly do against the all powerful super pets you may ask? Well, let's find out!
Luckily for the Subs the Superpets are easily fooled. As you can see Green Boy (another Legion rejectee) would have been just as useful as Color Kid here. Yet, somehow, against all odds, Color Kid has managed to eliminate TWO of the Super pets right off the bat with minimal effort. And here my bets were on Polar Boy throwing the first "punch".
Alas, my favorite Super pet taken out by his drug addiction. See, Denny O'Neil thought that Roy's drug problems would help people to see that you should stay away from drugs but I think Streaky's problem illustrates the issue just as well. I mean look at him! In a matter of seconds he goes from a super-powered whirlwind of claws and teeth to a froliking kitten thinking nothing more than "yippee!". And C-kid must be some sort of kitty drug dealer on the side to be carrying around catnip seeds... because really, what use would catnip seeds be against anything except a poor drug addicted cat? Three down and only Comet left. And despite this mind blowing defeat Supergirl is on the sidelines laughing at the subs... I beginning to wonder what kind of superhero she really is.
Now, with only Comet left standing, it must be down to Polar Boy doing something, right? I mean out of all of them he has the most useful powers (not to mention he's the leader of the team...).
Sadly, this is not the case... after barreling through the other Subs with incredible ease Super horse is only stopped by Night Girl's impromptu shield... also getting the imprint of the "enchanted horseshoe" mentioned earlier. Against all odds (and logic) our heroes have won the day, er, night. Now, back to the future!
What, you may ask, happens to restore SG and SB to the Legion of Superheroes? Is it Brainiac 5 with his superior intellect? Element Lad showing up at the Legion's doorstep? No my friends, even better. It's *drum roll* Color Kid!!!
Which really makes no sense at all. Yet, it's still highly entertaining!
I love the old Legion stories. I think this even tops Composite Superman! The super pet stories are among some of the most nonsensical and yet hysterical comics I've ever read. Try reading the one about Proty 2's initiation into the LoSP, it's fantastic. The idea that the super pets even make poor Proty go through tests is funny enough. The fact that Proty shows them all up is even better. I mean, the LoSH actually put Proty in charge of deciding the LoSH leader one rotation. Just think, in the far future our pets will make important decisions for us ;)
Anyway, this is one of my favorite older LoSH stories, and I can't even begin to describe my glee at how much more of a role the LoSH is again playing in DC. If you haven't read anything with the Legion you're missing out!