So, while Matthew is driving across the country I shall fill in on Saturdays! Because I see Matthew’s little trip as a modern day National Lampoon’s Vacation type of event, I thought I’d use today as a return of the “Daily Life.”
This week I want to talk about home ownership, because as anyone who owns a house knows, homes collect things. I’m not talking about just physical things like comic books, and furniture, and your wife’s childhood crap that her parents have saved for 30+ years and no longer want to keep at their house. Homes also collect living things such as children, fish, dogs, cats, and if you are really lucky bats.
I got lucky this year as my house got infested with those flying vermin. Unfortunately, unlike mice which are poisonously easy to get rid of, bats are a protected species. This means you can’t trap them, kill then, or harm them in any way. You are forced to go to a pest control specialist who will “remove” them in a humane way.
So I called the pest company and the conversation went like this…
Girl answers: Hello, Acme Pest Control (not real name of said company)
Lee: Hi, yes I was wondering if… well, I’m sorry, it’s a bad pun, but I have to say it… I have bats in my belfry can you get them out.
Girl: Hum? Ok, so you have bats?
Let’s pause for a minute and review what just occurred. Granted, I said a really, really bad joke but not only was it ignored but it appeared to have confused the girl. Luckily I recognized the signs and went into business mode.
Lee: Sorry about that. Yes, I have bats in my attic and need to get them removed. Do you handle bats?
Girl: Yes, we do and I can schedule a time for a tech to come visit in order to provide you an estimate.
Lee: Great… ((provide house info, set up time, pleasant small talk))
Girl: Ok, we’re all set. Excuse me sir…
Girl: What was that word you used again?
Lee: Belfry? As in bats in the Belfry? Haven’t you heard that word before?
Girl: Oh belfry. I’m sorry but I’ve never heard it. But, I’m 32 and still pretty young. That must be one of those old words.
Lee, calmly: Yeah, it probably is. Thanks for the help and I’ll see the tech next week.
Thank goodness I didn’t use a three syllable word. If I had she might have called me ancient instead of just old!
And, for the record, my elementary school age kids knew the word. Granted they learned it from Bugs Bunny but at least they knew it.