In the last Tarzan novel (#18) I read, he encountered some pygmies. So I thought it would be a nice segue to see what happened in #10, when Tarzan dealt with "Ant Men"! However, with this story, my Tarzan-wave almost came to a crashing end, and it wasn't because I'm personally dealing with a lot of losses and disruptions in my life right now. No, this story is, to put it nicely, very problematic; and thus far, the worst Tarzan novel I've encountered.
Let's start with the title. Talk about a misnomer. The "Ant Men" aren't ant-size at all, but 18 inches, bigger than a Hot Toys action figure or an old-style G.I. Joe. And if you're an avid toy collector today, you're probably surrounded by a host of 6 to 8-inch-tall action figures, or maybe the smaller 3 3/4 scale of vintage Star Wars or Micronauts. But 18 inches? That's cat-sized! Now Boris was pretty accurate with his size depiction on the cover, but most artists draw them much smaller. Even Neal's unpublished version (Why, oh why wasn't it used? - Did he ask for more money?) does the same.
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Now, say these words out loud, "ant men". Two syllables, so simple, so quick to read. Now try this, "Tohanadalmakusians" (8 syllables - I think). Or this, "Veltopismakusians" (7 syllables). So, a more accurate title would be "Tarzan and the Tohanadalmakusians and Veltopismakusians". Or at least if they had used the racial name of the little men, "Tarzan and the Minunians" (4 syllables), it would have given you some sort of warning. And that's just the names of the two warring factions; the names of the individuals are even worse: Komodoflorensal, Zoanthrohago, etc. ERB doesn't use nicknames either (I wish I had); it just makes for such a tedious read. It's almost like he was getting paid by the letter!
I came so close to just dropping the book numerous times. But my dedication to you (two), my dear readers, allowed me to persevere!
The book started out fine. It was a direct pick-up from #9, where we had left Esteban Miranda, the Tarzan impersonator, as a captive of a cannibalistic tribe in the village of Obebe. So, I was initially enthused by this continuity, and it's making me rethink my random reading order. Esteban is half-mad at this point, mostly convinced he is Tarzan (method actors!), but the villagers are being told he's the Spirit of the River god. He cleverly convinces one young girl, Ohha (age 14), to free him from his chains* by claiming that he's testing their fidelity. If no one releases him, he'll cause the river to wipe out the village! Ohha innocently succumbs to his scheme, and he rewards her by kidnapping her so she can help guide him out of the jungle.
*Poor Esteban's living conditions weren't much better than a dog living in a barrel outside, always chained to a tree. Just like my beloved (but poorly cared for) dog growing up (I'm ashamed to say), Luke Skywalker Mann (Bassett Hound-mix). If only the paper training had worked! But I couldn't stand the smell of cleaning up his mess in the laundry room (it made me vomit), so he became an outside dog. Eight-year-old me didn't know any better, and there were plenty of examples of hunting dogs in similar situations in my hometown. I became a responsible dog owner after I married and moved to Maryland. We had four excellent indoor dogs (from 1994 to 2024), three of which were rescues: Ginger Bread Mann, Mr. Magoo, Hazel, and Buddy (who we lost one year ago, two days from now). Buddy, our last dog, was the only one that we didn't bury in the backyard (due to cost).
When Ohha sees Esteban in fear of jungle animals, she realizes he's no river god and brains him in the back of the head. She, unfortunately, gets eaten by wild animals on her trek back home, but Esteban awakens in a zombie-like state, where he's operating strictly on Tarzan muscle memory. A really cool concept that gets totally wasted as we'll see later.
Meanwhile, John (Tarzan) Clayton takes his first solo flight, which ends with him crashing inside the mysterious Thorn Forest. The thorns encircling the area are so thick as to be impenetrable. This has caused the denizens of this heretofore undiscovered region to evolve in all sorts of bizarre ways. And it gives ERB plenty of time (ad nausuem) to wax paleoanthropologitic** (with commentary) on the societal structures of these mini-humans and sub-humans. His worldbuilding is quite inventive and interesting for the most part, but it was also a bit distracting from the main narrative.
**Hey, maybe that's why he used so many syllables!
We have the giant, savage, mute, and ugly Alali women, who kidnap their men for breeding and then use them for slave labor. The (normal-sized?) men are totally timid, and the women's spawn are corralled too, with no motherly affection. I briefly saw a reviewer mention this as ERB's commentary on women's suffrage (the novel was published in 1924). John, now Tarzan proper, after stripping off his civilized exterior (clothes), is captured by one of these women. Eventually, he teams up with a young man (age 16), who responds to his courage, and the two escape. Tarzan teaches the boy (named Son of the First Woman) through sign language how to hunt for himself, which eventually leads to an evolution of the Stone Age society. With enhanced weapons, bows and arrows versus the female's slings, the boy and his (eventual) band begin to subdue random women to cook for them, always. Thus, the family is born! (sigh)
Tarzan leaves the boy to hunt for them when he encounters the Minunians. Tarzan (like a wild beast) can easily get distracted. If something interests him, he goes to investigate regardless of whatever else he's doing. He befriends the first group, we'll mercifully call them Group-T. But he then later gets captured by Group-V when V tried to attack T, because that's how they get their women (and slaves) [from other groups]. Keeps the gene pool fresh. ERB's remarks on slavery or working classes/castes are another fascinating endeavor, but better for a classroom discussion than for escapism entertainment. I mean, it wouldn't have been so bad if not for all the excessive letters and syllables, coupled with the Stone Age battle of the sexes. Oh, and at least one of the groups has a prohibition against alcohol, probably the evil Group-V! ERB even uses unique hieroglyphs to depict the slave numbers.
The back cover of the book really blows it with a major spoiler. In the novel, Tarzan is surprised to discover that he's been shrunk down to "Ant Men" size. It's a major reveal, and a humorous one, since Tarzan can't even fathom that something has happened to him. He was wondering how Group-V got so big!
There are some interesting parts involving Tarzan's Group-T friend, "Komo......", who was also captured with him and a slave girl named Talaskar. "Komo......" wanted to capture and marry the leading princess of Group-V one day, Janzara (who is a real jerk), but he's actually falling in love with the beautiful Talaskar. There are some cool escape efforts through the beehive/ant-hill city dome, think (Mega-City One from Dredd), but smaller and more primitive. And Tarzan has strength like the Atom when he needs to.
Anyway, stuff happens. And Tarzan escapes with "Komo......", Talaskar, Janzara, and "Zoan....." back to the Group-T village. Janzara and "Zoan....." are now an item. Talaskar would be fine to just serve "Komo......", and is humbled that he actually loves her. "Komo......" gets permission to marry her despite her being from a lower class from his father, King Adendrohahkis. But then she reveals she's really of royal birth from another Minunian city! What a cop out. You just neutered one of the coolest parts of your story! Instead of "love conquers all", we're left with "stay in your lane". Sheesh!
Oh, but we're not done yet...
Tarzan leaves the Group-T Minunians with the help of his now manly, Son of the First Woman friend, where he'll eventually return to normal size. A mindless Tarzan is later found outside the Thorn Forest and returned to his home estate for immediate brain surgery. Meanwhile, an unconscious Tarzan is later found outside the Thorn Forest and recaptured by the Obebe village. It turns out that the first one is actually Esteban. Remember poor zombie Esteban, the Tarzan lookalike? Yeah, he's been absent since the start of the story. And the Obebe tribe, who had once held the fake-Tarzan captive, now has captured the real one, who escapes and enacts some sort of revenge/justice (I think). It is beyond incredulity that Jane didn't realize Esteban wasn't her husband, John. Come on! And the whole reason for including Esteban seemed to be for this end-of-the-novel switcheroo. Although Tarzan did make a nice entrance in the finale:
"I have been sick," he said. "Possibly I have changed; but I am Lord Greystoke. I do not remember this woman," and he indicated Flora Hawkes.
"He lies!" cried the girl.
"Yes, he lies," said a quiet voice behind them, and they all turned to see the figure of a giant white standing in the open French windows leading to the veranda.
"John!" cried Lady Greystoke, running toward him, "how could I have been mistaken? I ---" but the rest of the sentence was lost as Tarzan of the Apes sprang into the room and taking his mate in his arms covered her lips with kisses."
One good page does not negate all the miasma I had to wade through. And it really concerns me that I won't take to ERB's more fantastical fiction of Mars, Venus, and Pellucidar one day. Time will tell. But I'm already on around page 60 of book #11, so the wave continues.
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