Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Office Walls

Jim always complains that I write too many poop stories, so just to prove I’m not limited to poop, pee, and fart jokes, I wanna talk about boogers.

I don’t want to discuss any old boogers because there are lots of boogers in the world. Heck, if you go to McDonald's or Burger King or any of the major fast food chains, you can see boogers everywhere. They’re on the wall, they’re under the table, and if you’re really lucky you can win the lotto and get one on your tray. There are so many boogers in McDonald's I’m not impressed by finding them there anymore.

So today, I want to talk about rare boogers! I want to talk about the Loch Ness Monster or Sasquatch of boogers, if you will. I want to talk about the extra special, rare boogers that can only be found in your office. Now, in smaller companies, boogers are still fairly common place. But, it’s super-de-duper rare to find boogers in a large, multinational company with thousands of employees like the one I work for. Don’t get me wrong, I can always find one on the wall of Stall #2, but that’s different. Bathrooms are like museums for boogers.

But, just last week, I was walking down the hall at my place of employment when what should I see? That’s right! I saw a booger! It wasn’t on the floor. It wasn’t on the ceiling. Oh no, it was eye level in the middle of a field of off white that comprises the main corridor of my cube farm.

Instantly I was repulsed. Seriously, who wipes a booger on a main wall at the office???? And then, just like Encyclopedia Brown I was determined to find the culprit! Who could have done such a dastardly deed? Who indeed?


Anyway, I started pointing out the booger to the people living and working closest to it. I felt if they were going to be near it then they should know about it. Everyone was appropriately repulsed but no one claimed ownership of the booger. I assumed because I drew enough attention to it that it might disappear in a quiet moment. Who knows, if the owner didn't clean it then maybe the cleaning crew would get to it over the weekend.

It’s now Tuesday, a week after the booger was first identified, and it’s still there. At this point, I’m thinking of breaking a piece off and having it sent out for dna testing. It's times like this that make me repeat my mantra, "I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!"

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