Thursday, March 20, 2008

A Birthday Means I'm Older

As you all know my birthday is coming and it's going to be a great day. Some people don't enjoy their birthday but do you know what's great about Birthday's? It's a chance to really celebrate yourself . I always felt it was the one day of the year that was all about me. Don't get me wrong there are 12-15 other days that are all about me too but let's not digress.

The one downside to birthdays is getting old. It's not such a big deal when you're young because old equates to good stuff. Like I got older and I was able to drive or I got older and I could legally drink. Now getting older equates to "one day closer to death"

After being able to legally drink it all starts to go downhill. For example, there is random hair growth! One of the first things I noticed as I got older was sudden spontaneous hair growth. Seriously, each year I seem to get one new hair where there wasn't any hair before. For instance, last year I got a hair on my shoulder. Now, my back is the Gobi desert of hair. There is nothing, NOTHING, back there EXCEPT for this one follicle that grew on my shoulder. I swear to God the little fella was inch and half (two meters for Metric folks) before I saw him. If I was ever trapped on a deserted island, I could have plucked it and used it as a fishing line it was so long.

Anyway, this year I grew a hair off my ear. Not IN my ear, because that would be wwwaaayyyyy to obvious. It was off my ear. You know when girls get 18 piercings in each ear? You know that last one way at the top of the ear in the cartiledge? Yeah, that one... that's where my new hair is. Yep, right off the top of my ear grows a single long strand. But I console myself with "at least it's not nose hair". I work with a 50 year old and his nose hair actually grows into his mustache. It's quite pleasant to look at.

Let's see, what other things that come with age? There's sweaty feet. Suddenly my feet see a pair of shoes and they break out in a sweat. It woudn't be so bad if I lived at the North Pole where warm feet are a benefit. Oh no, I live in the South where warm feet equates to wet shoes.

I've also found that sleep is precious! Suddenly, if I don't get enough sleep I can't cope. In my youth, I could go on a three day binge, crawl into work on the inbetween days and sleep 17 hours on a Sunday so I could do it all again the next week. These days I nap for 30 minutes every Saturday afternoon just to keep up with the kids.

There is the really obvious sign of age like ever present aches and pains. Nothing truly hurts anymore but everything aches. And I groan a lot too. I don't know when that happened but lately I've started to sound like my Grandmother as she grunts in and out of the car. It's awful. For example, this weekend was the last basketball game for the Boy. Out came the video camera and I was on "recorder" duty. In an attempt to keep it eye level I squatted down while recording the highlite reel. All it took was five minutes and my knees hurt. And, when I stood up, they made noises that sounded like little firecrackers. Luckily, the noise from my knees was masked by my "uuuggghhhhh" as I stood up. And, the topper, they ached for a good 5 minutes after I stood up.

And finally, the radio sucks. I programmed in the "oldies" stations and I know all the songs. In fact, just the other day I was listening to the Bee Gees (Shadow Dancing) because once again, there weren't any Beatles on the radio. I'm sorry but I'm officially far enough removed that I don't care if Snow Patrol sings another song about teenage love. I'm sick of teenage angst. How about a good song for my divorcee friends? I'm all over that.

I love my birthday but it sucks to get old.


  1. Lee...

    Too Much Information, sir.

  2. Lee, I just had a birthday, too, and I can relate, and then some. Especially the groaning.

    For me one of the toughest things is seeing the difference in pop culture icons. For example, not too long ago I mentioned the movie "Billy Jack" in one of the college classes I teach, and not a single person had even HEARD of it. It just made me want to go...BERSERK!

    Anyway, happy birthday!

  3. Lee, your posts always crack me up.

  4. Gwen-

    It's the internet! It's all about to much information!!!