Monday, October 31, 2011

Goodbye Kiki – I Love You Baby Girl

Going personal today and doing this is more to try and sort and my feelings than anything else. Not sure why but often writing about this stuff helps me process things. Plus this can serve as a sort of tribute to a great dog.

As this is going to be posted Monday, tomorrow (Tuesday) I have to say goodbye to Kiki. She has bone cancer and is in a lot of pain and there are no good choices and most of them involve a massive amount of expense to extend her life a few months at most. Worse these choices are not necessarily going to give her any quality of life, just extend it. I refuse to treat my dog as poorly as we do our people. As hard as it is to do and as upsetting as the process is I will go down (she is in Florida due to my impending move) and with my wife authorize the vet to kill my dog. I hate it, it sucks, it makes me more emotional then I’m comfortable with but I will do it.

I’m including a few photos of Kiki as she was the best dog ever. I know you may have had the best dog ever, but I’m sorry I did. For the seven plus years I got to have Kiki in my life she was always there for me. When my wife would work nights or when I was just hanging out reading comics Kiki would be there. I never walked her enough, never played with her enough, but she was always a great dog and a great companion, the occasion release of methane that could peel paint off the walls notwithstanding. She was a loving dog and an imposing monster that could possibly kill you with her slobber.

If you noticed I said kill my dog, because that is what we have to do. We love to sugarcoat it with euphemisms like putting her down, putting her to sleep or euthanizing her, but they all mask the truth of the matter. As much as I want her to still be around I have to make what I believe to be the right choice for her and not the right choice for my wife and I. Extending her life by amputating her leg and then pumping her full of chemicals or other radical procedures just make her last months’ awkward and most likely painful. I have cried few times in my life and one was after we killed our family dog years ago. It caught up with me a few days later and in the middle of the night I cried like a small kid. This will tear me up also but the right choice is not always the easiest choice. The extension of Kiki’s life just to keep her around for us is not the right choice. 

One thing I took some solace from is something I read in a book called Buddhism Plain and Simple. The reason we love something is due to its impermanence. That simple idea clarified a lot in my philosophy. Having never lost a parent or anyone very close to me I have not had to deal with death being that close to me and it allows me to be as callous as I am. Death defines life as much as anything else. We value life because it does not last forever and because we think our lives hold value. If you own life holds no personal value, you don’t care about other lives.  

I value Kiki’s life and I’m happy that I had the time I did with her and I’m sorry her life has to end. I love you baby girl and you will be missed.


  1. My condolences, my friend. I only met Kiki a couple of times, but she was a nice, friendly, monstrously huge dog.

    For whatever it's worth, I think you're making the right decision, too.

    As to philosophy, you're a hard bastard, but so am I, in many people's view, and I've lost people close to me, most notably my father when I was 25. Must be something else that has us view life the way we do.

  2. Thanks Thomm. And also thanks Lee, Gwen and Matthew for your support, it means a lot.