Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Change in Scenery

Lee is on a secret mission so he left this for me to post.

By Lee

Change is the spice of life. It really is! From the time you are little to now it’s all about change. There’s the change when go from riding a tricycle to riding a bike. The first time you change from riding IN THE car to DRIVING the car. The first day of school. The first day of college. The first apartment when you live on your own. It’s all about change.

As you get older, change comes in smaller doses. There’s big change such as getting married and having kids but after that it’s all small. Mostly it’s small because you’re dealing with all the changes your children are going through. And, as all parents know, that’s more than enough for everyone.

Personally, I thrive on change. When I was little my parents moved a lot so we were always changing houses and schools and friends. When I got older I was always changing jobs and looking for new things. Now that the kids are here I need to be somewhat more stable so change is less frequent. But because I still crave change, it means I need to look in little places for it. To that end, I try to change some little thing every week. This weeks change… the stall I use in the bathrooms at work.

To be frank, changing stalls in the bathroom is borderline “big” change. You have to understand I have been using Stall #1 for over three years so this isn’t a change to be taken lightly. I mean there are three stalls, always have been, always will be but stall #1 is really the “throne” among “thrones”. You see stall #1 is closest to the door and, whether real or imagined is slightly bigger than stall #2 or #3.

So the question becomes, should I now occupy Stall #2 or Stall #3. Now, stall #2 is of course the middle stall and that has certain advantages and disadvantages. One advantage is that you are the center of attention and it makes it be easy to identify (by shoes) who sits down next to you. Now this is good if you want to make conversation, although talking is a no-no in the men’s room. But, knowing who’s been making what noises in the bathroom could always come in handy later. Gossip, no matter how noisy and messy, is always useful.

One of the disadvantages of stall #2 is you know who is sitting next to you. If they are having a good day it’s no big deal but what if it’s a problem day. I really don’t want to be in the stall next to my boss as he’s hhhheeeeeaaaaaavvvviiiiinnnggggg and gggggrrrrrruuuuunnnnnntttttiinnnngggggg away with little beads of sweat on his forehead. I just don’t need that. What if he asks me for a square????? This doesn’t even begin to address the issue if there’s a “full house” and I’m the middle man. Can you imagine the competition if there’s a grunter on the right and a gasper on the left? I would have to create my own “action sound” just to be able to sit there.

Obviously, Stall #3 comes with its own pluses and minuses. On the plus side is the fact that it’s used less often than Stall #1 so I don’t have to worry about “hot seating” if you will. Or any leftover odors, for that matter. And, Stall #3 is almost always open so you don’t have to wait for an opening either.

But, on the downside, Stall #3 is farthest from the light. Which means that Stall #3 is a little darker and feels a little smaller than all the other stalls. I don’t need lots of room while I’m sitting down for a private moment but neither do I want to be all squished up. The dark thing is kind of unsettling too. I’ve seen enough monster movies in my day to know the guy in the dark and grungy stall always gets it first. And, to be honest, I really don’t want some algae monster growing around the bowl reaching up and giving my buttock a tweak.

As you can see, I was in quite the dilemma. Finally I decided to go to the second floor and use Stall #1 in their bathroom. Sometimes, it’s best to keep the change small.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, Lee, I needed something that would make me laugh out loud.