Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Water is Different

So, as you may have noticed I was out last week. Work, against my best efforts, actually overtook my personal life. I was sent away to the "up & coming manager" training. Basically, it was 50% company overview/goals/objectives and 50% executive MBA classes. Even though I complain, I learned alot and made some key contacts. Never a bad thing.

BUT, there was something that wasn't so good. I had what can only be termed... a intestinal adventure. Now, as those of you that travel alot know, water is different in all the various parts of the country. I mean, it's still water but the little microbes and germs and itty bitty critters living in the water are different in Kansas than they are in Maryland. And these little tiny microbes can wreck havoc on one's internal workings.

Normally I am immune to these types of things because you see... my Mom was one really, awful cook. Business? Really good! Pancakes? Excellent if you like them rust colored. Land development for large profit? Awesome baby! Warm food? uuuuhhhh, not so good. True story, one summer we had 3 bean salad once a week for June, July, AND August. Haven't heard of three bean salad???? *1* can kidney beans, *1* can wax beans, *1* can green beans. Combine in bowl. Add Italian salad dressing and VOILA *3* Bean Salad. No heat required! THREE STRAIGHT MONTHS.

True story part 2, I had to explain to my wife how mayonnaise does indeed count as a layer in seven layer salad. And, no that salad doesn't require heat to make either.

So, you can see, my intestines can take a few tiny microbes. Now you can imagine my surprise to have an intestinal event while away. It started simply enough. Things went in. Lots of things because there were buffets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And more things went in. And more things went in. But not alot was coming out. Some was but not near what I was putting in.

So, I resorted to ancient Chinese secrets. Roughage. And specific roughage in the form of corn. Because, as we all know, corn goes in. Corn comes out. Makes the toilet look like a colorful pinata when done right.

So, I ate some corn, lots of corn to be precise. It rumbled around for awhile and loosened things up. I like to think of corn as marbles for the intestines. And the good news is, once the corn was it, it shook everything everything loose, and almost immediately I was back to normal.

EXCEPT... and you knew this was coming because there is always an except. The corn didn't come out. I don't know where it went but it wasn't all colorful in the bowl as they say. I don't what those little microbes did but it ate the corn! What the heck kinda microbe eats corn outta your intestines?

So, to recap, tonight we learned:
(1) Mayo is a layer in Seven layer salad
(2) Corn can clean the pipes
(3) When the corn goes in but doesn't come out... you're better off not knowing!


  1. It is sad to realize we look at our poop to see what it is like.

  2. This entry was like passing a really bad wreck on the interstate. I could tell it was about to get bad. But I just couldn't look away. Now. I am forever scarred.

  3. Why!! OMGosh! I won.

    For those who don't know... I bet Jim that of all our various readers Todd F. would definitely look in the bowl to see if the corn was there.

    Jim didn't think so but there it is... in glorious B&W "I couldn't look away" which loosely (no pun intended) translates to "I look at my poop!"

    Pay up Jim!!!! I WIN!!!! PAY UP!!

  4. What can I say? 17 pieces of corn...and counting.

  5. NO NO NO. It's not going to work if you each a single kernal a day.

    What'cha gotta do.... go to the store buy yourself one of those 1/2 pint cans... down the whole thing in 4 seconds.

    That's how ya do it.

    AND, if you wanna have fun. You can pretend your a corn-shooting machine gun *POW* *POW* *POW* while you sit on the toilet.

    Uuuummmm not that I've done that. Just read about it on the internet.