Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Parenting 101

Well the vacation is over and honestly… I am so glad that it is. The vacation wasn’t bad per se but it was not what I expected. I anticipated sun and fun at the beach. I still got sun and fun and beach, but I also got “help kids at risk” because of my sister in law's less than amazing parenting skills.

I break the vacation down like this:
(A) Unfortunate Fact, There needs to be a parent test.
Seriously, people should have to prove they aren’t complete idiots AND aren’t going to screw their kids up in order to procreate. It isn’t that hard to raise kids. That’s not true. It’s really, really, really hard to raise kids. But, it’s really simple in theory.
Step 1: Act like an adult and show your kids what an adult acts like. You wouldn’t think this is really tough but you would be surprised. 'Nuff said.
Step 2: Be positive and supportive. I am a firm believer that it takes a lot more energy to tear someone down then to say “good job”. If your 15 yrs old daughter is oozing pride because she just learned how to boogie board at the beach…. And your first response is “that’s easy. Anyone can do that.” STOP, give me your parent license, go back to parenting school and study some more because you failed.

Step 3: Teach manners, P's&Q's, and general hygiene. Seriously, a thank you goes a very, very long way.
There's more to parenting than just this but people can't even get these right. It's sad.

(B) Lesson learned #1, Self evaluation.
I learned something about myself. I am a parenting snob. Seriously, I am! And, I like the fact that I am. I've already said it's hard work to raise a child. The fact is, it's even harder to raise good children. It’s really easy to let your children grow up like savages and not teach them manners, basic hygiene, or anything at all. Bottom line, I have no respect for parents who aren’t parents.

(C) Lesson learned #2, Think before you speak.
In this hypothetical situation, you and your spouse are driving back to the beach house when you see an elderly couple walking on the road. The woman is several steps ahead and walking with gusto, while the man is lagging behind, saturated with sweat from the humidity.

When your spouse says, “Wow, that guy looks beaten down, doesn’t he?” The LEAST correct response is:
(1) Why, yes he does, my dear! He must be really out of shape.
(2) That’s true but at least he’s trying.
(3) That’s because he’s married. All married men look like that.

(D) Real Places Seen in New Hampshire.
(1) CosmoTech. The school of Cosmotology!
(2) Dan’s Dental Arts
Sooooooo, if I understand this, dental care is more of an art and hair care is more of a precision, high tech undertaking. Uuuummm, yeah.

(E) Chance Encounters with Blog Buddies are cool.
BUT, the mostest, bestest, part of any vacation is seeing your blogging buddy while he is away on his vacation!!! I saw this photo of Jim in the paper. It’s says “Unnamed” but we all know who is really under that mask. DON’T WE JIM. WINK Wink NUDGE Nudge


  1. That was the real Cap, and not me. When Cap got shot they were shooting for the clown.

    Best line in the post. (3) That’s because he’s married. All married men look like that.

    After I say lines like that I get hit on the shoulder.

  2. My shoulder seems to hurt often too!

  3. you know, i always thought I hated kids... they were loud, obnoxious, and dirty. then I met nice kids and realized that most people just have no idea how to raise children. not that i claim to know much about parenting, but i agree with you Lee, it's sad how so many "parents" can't even get down the basics of manners.