Friday, February 04, 2011

The T-Ts and Torture Covers of DC Previews Review

Lee: Gwen and Jim are doing the DC Previews this month and honestly, the schmaltzy DC love fest will do nothing but annoy me. They always pick the good stuff and rave about how wonderful it all is. GAG! This is a pre-emptive rant and bitch and piss and moan post just because. This will teach them to kick me off DC picks.
Jim: Kicked off the DC posts? You begged me to get back in and after all your crying I had to jump back in.

Written by Peter J. Tomasi Art by Patrick Gleason & Mick GrayCover by Patrick Gleason1:10 Variant cover by Gene Ha“Dark Knight, White Knight,” part three of three! As The White Knight makes his final, bright stand against the darkness and corruption of Gotham City, Batman and Robin find themselves trapped in a war of good and evil . . . but no matter who wins, the Dark Knight’s city will surely suffer! Retailers please note: The contents of this issue were originally solicited for issue #19, but will now appear here. This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the retailer order form for more information. 32 pg, FC, $2.99
Lee: So, if I read this correctly, the third part of a three part series was three issues ago? That’s a lot of threes, and not any of them are good. Seriously, you missed the conclusion of your intro arc by three months?
Jim: Yeah that sucked big time. Especially after DC announced it and was actually advertising in their books. Someone needs to learn how to plan better.
Lee: Since we’re sniping, when did covers go from good guys fighting bad guys to torturing young boys in latex? Was I not on distribution for the memo? And fanboys wonder why girls don’t show up in comic stores. Gee, it’s a real mystery.
Jim: Oh look the return of Mr. Wertham - I thought it was Lee, but I was wrong.

Written by Eric Wallace
Art and cover by Fabrizio Fiorentino
While Deathstroke and the Titans contend with Drago on the other side of the globe, Osiris attempts to calm his sister, Isis. Returned from her entrapment in stone, Isis is confronted with a world falling apart all around her. Earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes – is it her doing, or is it part of something bigger? 32 pg, FC, $2.99
Lee: Enough of the violence against small children and animals, let’s get back to what superheroes are all about! That’s right, Chicks in see through tops without support fighting bad guys or just plain old destroying things. That’s what built this industry and that’s what’s gonna sustain us in the long run. Never doubt the buying power of adolescent boys.
Jim: It certainly has always been the focus of my attention, I can tell you a woman's bra cup size more often then I can her eye color.

Written by John Rozum
Art and cover by Frazer Irving
David Kim has a choice: Join his companions in battle against a horde of murderous creatures or abandon them to their fates while he sets off alone to tackle escaped killer James Church. Plus: Nuns with guns! 32 pg, FC, $2.99
Lee: Finally, just to make sure there is something for everyone… we have nuns with guns. Don’t get me wrong, over here in France, ALLLL the cool nuns carry semi automatic weapons. Us worldly Euro types are used to this kind of thing, but I worry about the sensitive sensibilities of you tightwad Americans.
Jim: Perhaps you mean puritanical Americans because you are the tightwad.
Lee: To be clear, Nuns with guns, Priests with Panzers. It’s all good over here in amusement park EuroLand.
Jim: Are they teaching your kids to learn how to surrender in the schools?

Written by Ale Garza and Allen Warner
Art by Ale Garza and Dan Norton
Cover by Ale Garza
Return to mystic, ancient Japan in this special reprint of Ninja Boy #1-4! Trained by the Mugen ninja clan, young Nakio dreams of becoming something more – until he fails in his first mission. Now, he must overcome Mantis Gods, Spider Queens, and black magic to find those who will battle by his side…that is, if master assassins Zensho and Raishu don’t catch him first! 96 pg, FC, $7.99 US
Lee: Believe it or not, when this came out in 2001, our comic store guy loved this. If only because Ninja boy was slaughtered at the end of issue four. There I ruined it for everyone. I wonder if I should mention that there were actually six issued published… so this isn’t even a complete story.
Jim: Which is dumb, why give people only part of a mini-series, DC can be confounding sometimes.

Lee: Whew. I feel better. Who knew that pissing and moaning could be so cathartic? Maybe I should do the same for the Marvel picks. Oh wait, I already so that.
Jim: Glad you expelled that venom out of your system, now you won't go all Bane on the French people.

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