Thursday, May 10, 2007

Mother's Day... Whee Fun

Aaaahhhh. I have to say that posting on Thursday’s is different but there’s nothing better than a random posting to bring a smile to a person’s face. Still, I miss my Wednesday.

This week’s topic… the suckiness of Mother’s Day. That isn’t to say that Mother’s Day isn’t a fine day for women, because it really is. But for men, married men with children in particular, this is one of the top three “can’t win” days of the year. Now before all the ladies reading this get their panties all bunched up, let me explain.

You see, there are stages…
As a single man, I just had to worry about getting my Mom a gift. If I acknowledged the day in any way with the girlfriend-du-jour I was guaranteed a long, meaningful conversation that I most assuredly wanted to avoid. Mostly because at this stage of life, long, meaningful conversations regularly ended in tears.

As a married man with no kids, I just had to worry about getting my Mom a gift. Once again, if I acknowledged the day in any way, I was assured a long, meaningful conversation. While being married typically eliminated the tears from the LMC, it would invariably interfere with baseball game on television.

Then, things changed. We had kids. Now there are two “Mom’s” that need to be dealt with on this day. It’s no longer just about my Mom. It’s about my wife who is now a Mom AND the Mother of my children. It’s probably ok for those husbands whose Mother’s live over 500 miles away so there is no actual chance of seeing their Mom on “the day”. But, in my case, Mom lives **1** mile away. Actually, as I am periodically reminded, Zero Point Eight miles away which is … to quote… “to f***in close”.

Last night, the conversation at my house went like this …
Lee: We need to talk about Mother’s Day.
Wife: Why do we need to talk about Mother’s Day? It’s YOUR Mother. I don’t need to plan anything.

Please note that I fully accept blame for the following conversation because:
(a) Typical head-upstairs-get-ready-for-bed bedtime at our house is 10PM. I started this at 10:15PM…
(b) In the kitchen (i.e. we weren’t close to heading up to bed)
(c) After getting home at 9:45PM from a training class. (i.e. Wife dealt with dinner and bath all by herself)
You would think that I knew better… but I didn’t. ANYWAY

Lee: That’s true. But you usually like to have input into the decision. If you don’t care then I will make plans.
Wife: That’s fine
L: Ok. Well we’ll go to Mom’s house for brunch or something.
W: Well, I don’t want to be there all day.
L: I thought you didn’t have an opinion….
**Author’s Note: Anyone see the obvious mistake that just occurred? That’s right. I opened my mouth. I should have quit but I didn’t. Let’s call this Mistake #1…. You know, to keep track in case I make more along the way.

W: I’m just saying that I don’t want to spend all day there.
L: You can’t say you don’t care what I plan then have an opinion…
**Author’s Note: You have just witnessed Mistake #2. Not letting it go.
W: …..
L: Well then, to make it easy we’ll just go out somewhere.
W: Have you made reservations anywhere? Tiny is still 2 and it’s a nightmare taking her out.
L: You seem to have an awful lot of opinions for someone who doesn’t care. I thought I was making these plans.
**Author’s Note: STRIKE 3!!! I’m out.

Needless to say, once the steam stopped pouring out of her ears, the silence to followed was golden.


  1. Mistake #1 - Wife says "Why do we need to talk about Mother’s Day? It’s YOUR Mother. I don’t need to plan anything." Wife means - I don't want to make any of the plans, but I will oversee and approve any said plans and they need to conform to my unspoken wishes that as my husband you should know without me saying anything."

    Very simple if you know the code.

  2. It's far easier to say "Yes, Dear. Whatever you say, Dear." Saves a lot of wear and tear.

    CAUTION: DO keep listening, as they catch on quick, throw a quick self-deprecating comment in, and pounce like cats once you "Yes, Dear" it :)

    Yeah, you should have stopped at Strike Two and just conceded. :)

    Take it and run.