Wednesday, March 11, 2009

A little too honest

Ever had one of those nights when you just shouldn’t talk to you significant other? I had one the other day. It started as we were getting ready for dinner. Wife and I had finished setting the table when she turned to me and said, “We're all set. Please get the kids.”

I was more than happy to oblige and I did what every man does. I walked to the edge of the kitchen and shouted down the hall, “DINNER TIME! LET’S GO! CHOP CHOP!”

Wife gave me the look and calmly asked, “Do you need to shout? You couldn’t walk down the hall and get them?” Sensing that discretion was the better part of valor, I kept quiet and responded with my best glassy eyed ‘what? who?’ look.

But, it was effective because Boy, Girl, and Tiny came thundering down the hall. Of course, all three arrived at the doorway into the kitchen at the same time. Boy, a millisecond faster than Tiny, exerts his extra 20 lbs and muscled his way into the kitchen first. Tiny got slammed into the wall and fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. Tiny wasn’t hurt, but the loud crash and thump were enough to draw my wife’s attention.

Quickly assessing the situation, Wife went into full blown Mom mode and raced into action. “YOUNG MAN! What do you think you are doing?”

If it wasn’t obvious that Mom was pissed from her tone, the steam coming out her ears and fire from her nostrils made it quite clear she wasn’t happy. Who am I kidding, Momma was mad. M-A-D! mad!

Wife went on the offensive, “How many times I have told you not to push and shove?”
Boy, fully aware there wasn’t any good answer, said nothing.
Wife, continued on “SO? Answer me! What have I told you”
By this point, Boy’s eyes were as big as saucers, and starting to fill with water.
But, Wife wasn’t done with him yet, “I have told you a thousand times. No pushing! No shoving! How hard is that to remember? You say your sorry right now”
Boy, crushed, mumbled a weak “sorry,” and slinked off to the table.

I heard Wife, still blazing mad, mumbling to herself “I have told him…”

It’s at this time, that I decided to enter the conversation. “Wife, that was one of the most intense Mom moments I have ever seen from you.”

“What do you mean?”

A sane person would have recognized the danger they were in. As for myself, blissfully unaware, continued, “Well, Boy deserved that yelling at, but that was intense. I remember when I used to get in trouble like that. Yep, my Mom yelled at me just like you yelled at him. I’m telling ya, a yelling like that is gonna leave a mark. Oh yeah, he’s gonna remember this for years. In fact, I bet he’ll be talking about this yelling at in therapy. Yeah, baby, that was one good yellin’ ”

And, after the kids went to bed, a mark was left on me too.


  1. Man, another great 'slice of life' entry :)

    Poor Boy. And poor you, too :)

    You never TELL Mom/Wife things about therapy like that, now SHE'LL need it, too ...

    Seriously, thanks for the smile.

    Take it and run,

  2. I just pick the nits off the she-chimps to keep them happy. That and a banana a day.

  3. I believe the expression is

    "Thank you for playing - next contestant please."

    Although I could be wrong...

    And today's word: kabucier